Thoughtful Thursday

A Marriage Moment for Wives

A friend of mine told this true story several years ago, and it actually happened many, many years before that, but the wisdom lives on. For ease in telling the story, I'll call the couple Mike and Mary. At the time of this incident, they were both Christians, though not mature nor deeply committed like they are now.

Mary had a friend when they were both teenagers, and Mary's friend's mother is named Sue. As a young wife and mother, Mary would often call Sue for advice on numerous topics. Sue modeled the Titus 2 pattern of older women teaching younger women and she taught Mary much about household management, but also about being a woman after God's own heart.

One night, Mike behaved badly. He didn't come home after work, but spent the night out drinking and partying with friends while Mary was at home with their young children. She didn't even know where he was. Early the next morning, a hungover but contrite Mike called Mary from the house where he'd been partying. Reacting as anyone in her shoes might, Mary let him have it with both barrels. She ranted and raved on and on, venting her anger against him. Finally, she slammed the phone down.

Her anger not fully spent, Mary called Sue to whine about what Mike had done. Sue listened to Mary's recital of Mike's sins, and then inquired as to what Mary's response had been. After Mary told her, Sue's response was, "You call him back right now and apologize for your words and your behavior." Mary was stunned. Didn't Sue understand that it was Mike who was wrong? She tried to protest, but Sue would not let Mary focus on Mike's behavior, but forced her to examine her own. She told Mary, "Your reaction was sinful. You did not show respect to your husband. You need to call him right now and apologize." Mary whined some more that her marriage to Mike was not making her happy. Sue's response is the punch line: "The purpose of your marriage is not to make you happy; it's to make you holy."

Mary hung up, and after a short time, did exactly what Sue suggested -- she called Mike, apologized for the way she'd acted and the things she'd said, and asked him to forgive her.

My friend, Mary, told me that this one act of repentant humility on her part was the turning point in their marriage and in their walk of faith. Mike was so convicted by what Mary did, that he became a new man. He never went partying or got drunk again. Instead, he invested himself in Mary and in their family -- in being the husband, father, and indeed the man that God wanted him to be. Happiness has followed holiness.*

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. Ephesians 5:25-27

* Footnote: Mary also told me that Mike has given her permission to share their story. Though not proud of his past, he realizes that wisdom is meant to be shared, and that Mary is well on her way to being a Titus 2 woman herself.